It’s truly heartbreaking. As a man—even though I’m just 19—I feel shattered after reading these words. How can a man harm a woman? Forget society for a moment—it always seems to favor injustice, always eager to point fingers at the wrong person, always taking some twisted pleasure in watching the innocent suffer. But what about the man? The one she trusted enough to leave her world behind. The one she chose over everything she knew—her parents, her home, her comforts, even her identity.
She changes her last name, her routine, her life—just to build something new with him. And yet, some men repay this love and sacrifice with cruelty, with indifference, with silence that screams louder than any argument.
Being a man doesn't mean having power over someone; it means being strong enough to protect, to respect, to carry love with gentleness. And if a man cannot even honor the heart that beats for him, then he’s failed—not just as a husband or a partner, but as a human being.
I really love the points made here. People where I live seem to have this toxic idea that if you're not married with kids by the time you're 23, there is something wrong with you. And it's led to so many unhappy people, divorce, abandoned children, etc. But they never learn.
the ideas you speak about are important! though commenting because thappad was an interesting movie on many fronts - A) I met the actor and was less than impressed at her treatment of a lot of the community girls that flocked her for a photo at our menstrual hygiene conference in mumbai B) the movie made it seem as though she was to be championed for her taking a stand (which yes she should) but also didn’t really send off alarm bells when her maid tells her about the abuse she faced. perhaps that point was lost on me, but it really felt like a movie that pandered to a social Justice message without much deeper critique of culture/possible causes/consequences
I developed a weird view on marriage after having been in one. It was so odd that I had to go to the government to end a relationship, yet I had invited the government IN. I’ve come to realize then that marriage is just a title and there can be relationships with greater and lesser intimacy…. Everyone in my life (at the time) disagreed with the divorce. It was so difficult to move forward and trust my center. I can’t imagine if it was culturally frowned upon on top of that. 🙏🏼
So good. I think about marriage a lot at the moment. The drawbacks and benefits - many much less serious than those you’ve outlined here, but insidious nonetheless.
I think a lot about this, and how the women who do seek divorce are badly stigmatized when they openly talk about their divorce online. I remember one woman in my community had her life taken by her ex-husband because he didn't like that she was posting about her divorce on social media.
Being closer to 30 than 25, I'm still afraid of marrying the wrong person. But the pressure starts building with age. I try to keep low contact with people who are distraught by the fact that I have "no responsibilities" right now.
I agree the stigmatization of divorce also prevents healthy marriages from forming because men are taught that they don't need to work on themselves, no matter what they'll stay married. But I've also noticed in the west desi divorce is being more normalized and hopefully that should encourage people to marry for the right reasons and learn to improve themselves for marriage.
You seem to hate marriage in every way, for every reason. Why do you do it?
And America seems to be doing the opposite of the issues you bring up here, and if anything it's far worse. That suggests somebody is missing the mark, what is the true core here. If it's not a thing and not its opposite, what is it? Where do we go?
It’s truly heartbreaking. As a man—even though I’m just 19—I feel shattered after reading these words. How can a man harm a woman? Forget society for a moment—it always seems to favor injustice, always eager to point fingers at the wrong person, always taking some twisted pleasure in watching the innocent suffer. But what about the man? The one she trusted enough to leave her world behind. The one she chose over everything she knew—her parents, her home, her comforts, even her identity.
She changes her last name, her routine, her life—just to build something new with him. And yet, some men repay this love and sacrifice with cruelty, with indifference, with silence that screams louder than any argument.
Being a man doesn't mean having power over someone; it means being strong enough to protect, to respect, to carry love with gentleness. And if a man cannot even honor the heart that beats for him, then he’s failed—not just as a husband or a partner, but as a human being.
that’s beautiful—thank you for sharing!
I really love the points made here. People where I live seem to have this toxic idea that if you're not married with kids by the time you're 23, there is something wrong with you. And it's led to so many unhappy people, divorce, abandoned children, etc. But they never learn.
thank you for sharing, it really is so distressing😔
the ideas you speak about are important! though commenting because thappad was an interesting movie on many fronts - A) I met the actor and was less than impressed at her treatment of a lot of the community girls that flocked her for a photo at our menstrual hygiene conference in mumbai B) the movie made it seem as though she was to be championed for her taking a stand (which yes she should) but also didn’t really send off alarm bells when her maid tells her about the abuse she faced. perhaps that point was lost on me, but it really felt like a movie that pandered to a social Justice message without much deeper critique of culture/possible causes/consequences
I developed a weird view on marriage after having been in one. It was so odd that I had to go to the government to end a relationship, yet I had invited the government IN. I’ve come to realize then that marriage is just a title and there can be relationships with greater and lesser intimacy…. Everyone in my life (at the time) disagreed with the divorce. It was so difficult to move forward and trust my center. I can’t imagine if it was culturally frowned upon on top of that. 🙏🏼
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad you were able to get out of a difficult situation🫶🏽
So good. I think about marriage a lot at the moment. The drawbacks and benefits - many much less serious than those you’ve outlined here, but insidious nonetheless.
Your post makes me wonder—when culture starts to override everything, including reason, where do we draw the line?
completely agree✊🏽
I think a lot about this, and how the women who do seek divorce are badly stigmatized when they openly talk about their divorce online. I remember one woman in my community had her life taken by her ex-husband because he didn't like that she was posting about her divorce on social media.
Being closer to 30 than 25, I'm still afraid of marrying the wrong person. But the pressure starts building with age. I try to keep low contact with people who are distraught by the fact that I have "no responsibilities" right now.
thank you so much for sharing🫶🏽 don’t let the pressure get you babe; just remember that good things will happen in their own time. never settle🫶🏽
appreciate you sm 🥹💓
I agree the stigmatization of divorce also prevents healthy marriages from forming because men are taught that they don't need to work on themselves, no matter what they'll stay married. But I've also noticed in the west desi divorce is being more normalized and hopefully that should encourage people to marry for the right reasons and learn to improve themselves for marriage.
couldn’t have said it better myself! yes, the normalization of divorce among desis is definitely a step in the right direction😌
The elephant in the room that no one is talking about. Society is really desperate for women to stay married, without caring about the cost.
completely agree🙌🏽
You seem to hate marriage in every way, for every reason. Why do you do it?
And America seems to be doing the opposite of the issues you bring up here, and if anything it's far worse. That suggests somebody is missing the mark, what is the true core here. If it's not a thing and not its opposite, what is it? Where do we go?